4 Bold Ways to Break Self-Imposed Limits

Break Limits

Editor’s Note:  This is a guest post from Andrej Hendelja

Boundaries are nothing new. We set limits, draw lines in the sand, and say what is and isn’t possible for us. But breakthroughs don’t occur when we adhere to these limits, they happen when we push past them. Greatness demands the ability to leave our comfort zone and redefine what is possible.

The difference between a good life and a great one is the thirst for more than what is expected of you. It’s the difference between ordinary and exceptional.

4 Ways to Breakthrough Self-Imposed Limits:

1. Do Something You Haven’t Done Before

The most obvious way to break out of your comfort zone is to apply yourself at something you’ve never tried before. It’s easy to stick to what you know. We tend to keep working on the things we’re good at because it’s easier to get praise for it and we don’t have to work too hard. But most breakthroughs occur when somebody takes a step out of their “area,” and works on something that pushes the limits of their experience.

When you try something new, you may soon discover that you enjoy it or that you are fairly good at it. Most people already know this. The true benefit of trying something new is the expanded perspective it gives you. Most inspiration occurs when we are out of our element and forced to think about things in a new way.

2. Start Conversations With People You Don’t Know

We have a tendency to only speak with people who think the way that we do. Even if we don’t already know them, we at least seek the comfort of somebody who shares a similar worldview: a job, a political stance, a religion, or a race, for example. By communicating with people who come from a different walk of life, we start to see things in ways that we haven’t seen them before.

The more differing points of view we expose ourselves to, the more interesting and enjoyable we become as human beings. Conversations add spice to your life and make your life more enjoyable. The realization that other people think differently than you will expand your mind and open up new avenues in life. You may even create new and interesting solutions to the problems in your life.

3. Visit New Places

Sometimes the best way to breakthrough your limits is to physically surpass the geographical limits you have been confined to. Going to new places is a great way to discover who you really are and what your potential really is.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to go on a vacation, although it is advisable to do as much traveling as you can. It can also be traveling to different parts of your home town. You may not realize how much of your own town you haven’t explored. Try visiting places that you’ve previously avoided or were unaware of. Odds are you’ll discover some pretty interesting places and learn a thing or two.

4. Increase Your Spontaneity

Some people are naturally spontaneous, and may actually do a better job of breaking their limits by deciding to focus on one thing for an extended period of time. But for the rest of us, this is a crucial skill that is important to cultivate.

How can you become more spontaneous? Make it a part of your schedule. As ironic as that may sound, it’s a strategy that works. Make an effort to do at least one new thing every day or each week. Most of us are creatures of habit, and all it takes is a regular shakeup to make us realize just how big the world is and how many possibilities are available to us.

How I Broke Through Limits in My Lifestyle:

I set out to breakthrough my sedentary lifestyle by engaging a social networking website that connects travelers and hosts. The first hosting experience motivated me on so many levels.

The two brothers I hosted were backpackers traveling through India, while on their way to Europe. (It’s been five months since they left home and it will be another five months until they return home – if they ever do.) Unlike my guests, I realized that I had settled myself in a long time ago. It unsettled me in a good way.

I got out of the house for five days straight, met dozens of people and tired myself out from talking. The result? I have a couple of places to stay in Canada if I ever visit, a great curry-zucchini recipe, a couple of words of Italian and French – and two friends to last a lifetime.

What is your favorite way to breakthrough the barriers of self-imposed limits?

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Andrej is currently settled in Europe as a research journalist for a private high school. He’s passionate about his own personal and relationship development.

The Greatest Gifts of Love

cocoa-heart

A handwritten “Thank You” from my 4 year old son in his newly found writing. Sweet words from my daughter telling me, “I’ll love you forever.” And, my husband’s presence in a bustling house, playing with kids, and helping with dinner.

Each of these gifts of love makes my heart warm and full. It literally melts my heart like a fountain of overflowing chocolate.

I don’t always hear these precious gifts, but I am becoming a keen observer of love gifts, spoken and unspoken. In doing so, I am looking for more positives than negatives in my life. What about you?

Are you open to hearing love in many forms? Or do you communicate love yet feel like no one is listening?

We can all give and receive love. It’s part of what makes us human. But, we may communicate love in different ways, making it hard to hear it clearly.

You can easily learn 5 ways that we communicate love, and start giving love in your mate’s preferred “language” today. Your preferred “love language” is simply the way you prefer to give and receive love. In other words, it’s how you hear love the best.

Chapman’s 5 Love Languages:

The concept of Love Languages was developed by the bestselling author, Gary Chapman. He’s found 5 universal categories that we use to communicate love.

1. Words of Affirmation: Verbal expressions of love, gratitude, and appreciation.

2. Quality Time: Spending time together with shared interests, great conversation, or beautiful scenery.

3. Physical Touch: Any loving touch from snuggles, spooning, hand holding, back rubs, to sex.

4. Acts of Service: Doing something for your significant other like errands, chores, or repairs.

5. Gifts: Store bought or homemade gifts from necessity to fun.

Giving Gifts of Love Gently:

I think it’s great to have so many ways to communicate love. But I don’t think people like to be hit over the head with expressions of love. I prefer the subtle, even unintended, yet appreciated expressions of love. That is, gifts of love without conditions, pressure, or expectations.

So if you feel inspired to share your love language with your mate, do so without pressure or critique. Instead share what you most appreciate about them. For instance, “I love it when you/we  ________________.” Telling your mate without pressure is another way to communicate love.

There is no right or wrong way to show love. Mr. Chapman states that we each have a primary way of hearing and receiving love, but I have found that I’m open too many ways. I love hearing my language, but I also appreciate the ways my family speaks love in their own way.

Learning and speaking your mate’s “love language” is one of many ways to be emotionally intimate with your mate. We also share love by sharing our lives and our struggles. Give a complete gift package when you give gifts of love!

How do you best hear love? What ways does your mate feel most loved by you?

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Photo Credit: “Valentine’s Hot Chocolate Lovers” by UggGirl/UggBoy

How to Motivate Kids to Clean

candy-bracelet

I can still hear my mom repeating, “I’m not the maid.”

I’m sorry your words didn’t motivate me to clean in my younger years. I kept my room tidy, but I didn’t help with general house work. And I don’t think I did a load of laundry until I started buying my own clothes!

The light bulb moment came when I had kids of my own. How quickly I realized my workload is greater when there are more people making messes.

I want to whine and complain, but I take a deep breath. And I remember the Liberating Choice: I don’t have to do it all. If only it is that simple. How will I ever have a clean house and not do it all?

After a year of begging and prodding my kids, I’ve found a system that works to motivate both of my kids to help clean house! I’m going to share 4 steps to help you design a motivational system that works for you and your family.

Step 1: Identify what motivates your kids.

  • Independent Decision Making
  • Quality Time with Mom or Dad
  • Money in Their Wallet
  • Special Treats and Outings
  • The Joy of Hard Work

I imagine it’s not the latter, but you probably have an idea of what motivates your kids to work hard.

Step 2: Define what your child can realistically do on their own (after a brief “training” period).

  • Put away their toys
  • Dust furniture
  • Vacuum
  • Put away clean laundry
  • Sort dirty laundry
  • Make their bed
  • Empty trash cans

I’m a firm believer in starting this early. There will be less resentment built up in you, and less surprise for your kids when you no longer do everything for them. It’s your turn to decide what you no longer want to do.

Step 3: Decide what you are willing to give them in exchange for their hard work.

While I’m not willing to pay my kids for every responsible behavior, I am willing to pay them for some cleaning jobs. I decide the wage, and only pay them when the job is done.

Step 4: Hang on through the training period.

Once you find a motivational system you like, hang onto it through the training period. Even if the system is something they will enjoy earning, they are likely to complain or try to get out of doing their jobs.

I leave the job completion in their laps, while fighting off the urge to beg them to complete the work. What boss wants to pay their workers after begging them to work? Not me! I remind them once, they get paid or they don’t.

Developmental Ideas on Motivating Kids to Help Clean:

And after the training-complaining period, I realized I’d found two motivational systems that can I change as my kids grow. Here they are:

Elementary Age Child: My 7 year old earns .25 to .50 cents per job. She gets paid once a week. On pay day, she decides how much she wants to save and how much she wants to give away. In the beginning, she paid a fine if she refused to do her jobs, but now she does them with minimal whining.

Preschool Age Child: My 4 year old earns one “mom dollar” per job. He can buy items from the mommy store, depending on how many dollars he has saved. I’ve revised the store prices and offerings as needed, but it includes computer time, frozen yogurt, card games, dollar store, and special dates.

My youngest wasn’t motivated by real money. He had no idea what to do with it, and is much more interested in earning special treats and play time. While my daughter, takes pride in buying things for herself, her friends, and donating money. This is what works for us.

And this is my story of how I haven’t become a maid in my own house. While whining and frustration occurs, I mostly appreciate their effort and my not having to do it all.

What liberating choices have you made in your house lately? What helps you stick to these choices?

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Photo Credit: “Broken Candy Bracelet” by Pink Sherbert Photography