10 Ways to Slow Down for the Hurry Addict

Posted on April 18, 2012 | 1 Comment

crash-into-sleep

I am doing it again, rushing and cramming too much into my day. I’ve been pelted with stressors lately, and my cells are screaming for a break.

Instead of slowing down, I push myself and take more on. Proudly recognizing my productivity while my body and mind suffer. Sadly, I am sometimes even hurrying so I can relax, which makes it really hard to relax. Instead I crash.

Even my kids get to here me chant hurry up, speed up, and go quicker. Kids are so much better at slowing down and cherishing the moment. In fact it almost seems impossible for kids to hurry themselves.

I wouldn’t need to hurry myself if I took on less instead of more. While there are times where we need to take on more and rise to the challenge, there are also times when we need to slow down in face of the many responsibilities we have.

Are you caught in a web of hurrying up so you can get caught up, only to find you are too tired to enjoy life or loved ones? If you are a hurry addict like me, join me in a week dedicated to slowing down. And maybe we will remind ourselves how good it feels to slow down that we keep it up.

10 Ways to Slow Down Instead of Hurrying:

1. Schedule more breaks instead of more tasks in your day.

2. Take a nap.

3. Sit, watch, and listen to nature.

4. Read a book for fun.

5. Journal without turning it into a creative or productive work.

6. Unplug from computer, phone, or electronics for a day.

7. Go for a walk with no destination or time in mind.

8. Get a babysitter and do something gentle for yourself.

9. Limit the amount of time you check email and social media.

10. Connect with people face to face.

If we don’t slow down during our day, we will have a hard time slowing down at the end of the day. There is no such thing as hurrying to relax. Hurrying leads to more hurrying as your mind-body stay in hyper-drive.

Learn to cherish slowing down as much as hard work. Rise to the challenges in your life but settle in. Not everything needs to be a sprint or a race. Be productive but enjoy yourself and your loved ones along the way.

How does your body or mind signal you to slow down? Do you wait until the signals are really loud?

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Photo Credit: “Orchestration of Sleep” by Casey David

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How to Listen Without Taking Personally

Posted on April 11, 2012 | 2 Comments

couple-walking

When someone complains do you take it personally? Instead of really hearing them, you feel like they are talking about how they feel about you.

For example, when my daughter complains about not wanting to do her chores, my mind makes assumptions. My heart rate quickens as I ready for battle. And I tell myself, “She makes everything hard on me. I wish she would treat me as good as she treats her teacher.”

If I stay in battle mode, I get hooked into a power struggle, debate, or argument. Then I eventually get so fed up that I withdraw. When I notice the fight of flight response take off in me, I can change my thinking and emotional response already in progress.

When we perceive others’ negativity less personally, we free ourselves and our loved ones. We are free from being held responsible for others negativity. As a bonus, we are free to connect with others, instead of protecting ourselves.

6 Steps to Listening Without Personalizing

If you walk around feeling like there are threats to your emotional well-being in each personal encounter, you will live a guarded life. In the long run, you will miss out on opportunities for personal connection.

While our emotions tell us that negativity infects us, how do we let other’s complaints get under our skin less? Here are 6 steps to letting negative emotions stay where they belong (in owners’ skin):

  • Interrupt your own emotional reaction in order to think more clearly
  • Evaluate whether negativity from other is threat to your well-being
  • Choose not to let it get under your skin and cause an “infection”
  • Find another way to think about negativity that is separate from you
  • Let other own their feelings by letting them stew in it
  • Reflect what you observe not what you feel

In my example, I can take deep breaths to help me slow down before I yell at my daughter. This gives me time to see that her complaint is not a threat to my happiness. Thus I don’t have to let it get under my skin as much as it usually does.

When I don’t feel threatened by her complaint, I am able to hear that she doesn’t feel like cleaning right now. Her negativity is less about me or our relationship and more about her. 

I no longer feel like defending myself or making her feel bad. Instead I can reflect my observation and remind her of the choices that are in front of her. (“I know you are tired. You are welcome to watch TV when your room is clean or go to bed early.”)

I would not be able to listen to her in this way if I took her complaint personally. I am able to move on, and she will either take responsibility or stew in her complaints. Either way, our relationship isn’t impacted negatively by her complaining.

Emotional Separateness Key to Relational Connection

This is not a typical way to feel more connected with others. It seems counter-intuitive. When we are anxious, tense, or unhappy, we usually push for sameness, agreement, and togetherness.

However, I am convinced that the way to feeling more connected with others is to allow each person to have their own bucket of emotions. That is to separate our emotions as being a reflection of the person that carries them.

By not taking others emotional reactions personally, we are truly able to hear what they are saying. To listen to what they are saying about themselves. To know a person is to connect with them.

How can you use these 5 steps in your dating or marital relationships? Please share other ideas you have for not taking others negativity personally.

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Photo Credit: “Dream Walking” by Digital Pimp

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Comfort for Hail Storm Size Stress

Posted on March 28, 2012 | 4 Comments

hail-storm

Life can be a hail storm. At times you feel like you are pelted by hail of many sizes. Your kids are sick for the second time this month, your car breaks down, and you have a new work assignment to learn.

If we are pelted with one piece of hail at a time, it’s much easier to absorb it. But it can be hard to dodge the hail if we are caught in the storm. How do we ride out the storm when we are hit with many stressors at once?

Do you stay hyper-alert, waiting for the next bad thing to happen? Feeling like you are on edge, gripping your seat, and tensing your muscles. Having trouble relaxing and sleeping because you are waiting for the next storm to drop on your head.

Stress Vs. Stress Response

Revving your body and mind up during stress is useful to take on the task at hand. And when the stressor is over, most of us naturally return to our pre-stressed self. Yet others live in an almost constant state of feeling stressed out.

You don’t have to stay in fight or flight mode, you can learn to notice the difference between a perceived and real threat. Instead of responding to every stressor as an invasion, infection, or rejection, you can squash your misperception before it eats away at you.

In doing so, you are separating your response to the stressor from the stressor.  There is power in realizing that you have some control over how you think about the hail storm that is hitting you.

The more stressors that hit me, the harder I work and the more I take on. I start seeing everything as negative and a threat to my well-being. It’s not until I slow down that I can find a new way to think about what’s stressing me out.

Self-Reflection for Comfort During Life’s Storms:

Not convinced? Grab your journal and take some time for some self-reflection. Explore the idea of how you can settle down during life’s storms. Respond to the following words, ideas, and images in your journal.

Quote:

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” ~ Charles Darwin

Photo: “A Bend in the River”

golden-river-bend

Question: Is your stressor a real or perceived threat? If it’s a perceived threat, how do you change how you think about it so you can settle into it?

I love comments so please share what ideas you discover. Here’s to learning how to slow down and lean into the stormy times of our lives. Let the self-soothing begin!

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Enjoy reading this post? Subscribe via email and receive a Free E-Book (Take Charge of Your Worry: 10 Ways to Manage Anxiety Naturally).

Photo Credits:

Take Cover by Ben McIver

A Bend in the River by Steve H.

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