Tag Archives: anxiety

6 Must Haves to Relax Without Valium

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Do you ever feel so anxious that you think others can see your pounding heart? Surely they can see you are coming unglued and ready to jump out of your skin. Yet most of the time anxiety is not seen by others, but experienced internally either in our mind, body, or both.

While you may feel your heart beating loudly like a drum in your chest, others have trouble quieting their spinning thoughts. Anxiety can also feel like your stomach is flopping around or moving into your throat. You feel jittery without the caffeine and dizzy from breathing so fast.

Speeding your body up in an emergency is very useful, but feeling anxious when there isn’t a threat is very uncomfortable. The anxiety has no where to go and no way to get utilized.

At this point, many pe0ple turn to substances or to prescription medications. There is nothing wrong with taking prescribed anti-anxiety medication, such as Valium. These medications can give you a jump start to getting a handle on your anxiety in tough times.

Don’t let anyone or anything rob you of your self-confidence. We all have the ability to learn ways to calm ourselves, even without the help of medications.

6 Must Haves to Manage Anxiety Naturally

You probably already know what helps you relax and calm down even if it doesn’t bring complete relief on a consistent basis. Keep making mental notes of what helps you calm down. Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Eat Nutritiously: Nutrition will be determined by the individual needs. For me, eating a balance of carbs, protein, fruits and veggies helps me keep my mood and energy on even ground. I know my body well, and it must have adequate protein with minimal sugar and dairy. Listen to your body and learn what makes you feel the most balanced (not numb).

2. Drink Mineral Water: Drink refreshing water that comes from natural springs. These are the places where minerals such as calcium are naturally found in the water source. Eight glasses of water a day is the recommended amount for our bodies to function at their prime. Many public speakers drink a glass of water to calm their nerves before they get on stage.

3. Get Objective Coaching: A well-trained coach can help you sort out your fears from the facts. When we act based on what ifs, we live in an inner world filled with anxiety and worry. When the coach offers a neutral perspective, it is your opportunity to see your situation in a new light. A new perspective puts jumper cables to the thinking part of your brain, allowing the emotional side to calm down.

4. Receive Massage Therapy: If you’ve never had a massage from a certified massage therapist, you must try it. Start with 30 minutes, and see how you feel. Receiving a massage will help you release tension you’ve stored in your body for months or even years. Massages can leave you feeling serene, calm, relaxed, and even euphoric.

5. Exchange Hugs: While I’m on the subject of receiving touch to relax yourself, nothing beats a hug from someone you trust and love. Being held in someone’s arms with no expectations or pressure lets you know you are not alone. The touch reminds you that you have someone present while you are going through a tough time. Feel the stress of isolation melt away.

6. Focus on Excitement: Anxiety feels similar to excitement in that you are  revved up while experiencing the sensation of butterflies trapped in your body. Try shifting your focus from what you are fear to what you are excites you. Then you will keep the good feelings without all the dread. Your body will follow your thoughts. If you dread and fear less, it will take less hold on your body.

Many of these ideas are good self-care. Know what it takes to look after yourself and do it. Then add a few great relationships and mind shifts and you’ll be well on your way to telling your worry and anxiety where to go!

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My free e-book includes 10 other ways to manage anxiety without medication. When you subscribe via email, you will also get two worksheets to help you apply what you learn – one worksheet includes 27 ways to manage worry naturally.

I’d love to hear what works for you to interrupt anxiety.

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Caution: “If you take (anti-anxiety) medications for longer than prescribed or at higher or more frequent doses than prescribed, you may develop a tolerance to and dependence upon them. If this occurs it can be dangerous to abruptly stop taking the medication. Gradual tapering of the dose, under the supervision of a physician, is advised.” ~ Dr. Cheryl Lane, Psychologist, PsyWeb

Photo Credit: “Relax” by Lulumon Athletica

13 Hope-Filled Lessons from Illness

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Have you received treatment that was worse than your illness?

For the past 2 weeks, I’ve been caught in a snowball of side effects from medication. What started with a routine sinus infection ended up into a host of new symptoms.

I’m a petite, yet typically healthy woman that visits her doctor about once a year. Yet, in one week, I was prescribed 10 different medications and given 3 referrals to specialists. I was told it would be a long road, and I may have to learn to live with the symptoms.

Guess what the cure was? Gradually getting off all the medication that was tearing up my stomach and beginning to eat and sleep again. Now, my sinuses are fantastic and my body is repairing itself.

What helps you get through illness? Illness happens to all of us. It’s how we deal with it that makes the difference between staying stuck or being liberated.

Illness as an Opportunity for Growth

1.   Find joy in the smallest things. Focus even for a moment on one thing that brings you joy. For me, it was a hug, a song, a breath.

2.   Focus on what is most important to you. For me, it is my family, my spouse, and my two kids. I was determined to make it through this medical “crisis,” so I could continue my relationships with family.

3.   Think of medication as a jump start. Medication is like jumper cables. Once the ignition starts, our bodies can heal themselves.

“You can receive too much of a good thing, because sometimes the treatment is more problematic than the illness.” ~ Margaret Otto

4.   Don’t over-focus on symptoms. It’s more useful to focus on how you   react to the symptoms, instead of the fact that you have the symptoms.

5.   Anxiety can make any symptom worse. When you join your fear, you can no longer see the facts surrounding the illness. Anxiety tells you that your symptoms are permanent and that something is wrong with your body. This isn’t always the truth, as many symptoms come and go.

6.   Find a calm person that believes in you. Look for someone to lead you out. If you aren’t facing an ongoing disease, find someone who believes your body will heal itself. For me, it is my spouse, my coach, and my chiropractor.

7.   People can be like tranquilizers. Comfort from a loved one can feel just as good as taking anti-anxiety medication. Turn to others for reassurance more than caretaking, and you will feel the calming, empowering effect without any side effects.

8.   Problems are bigger than the individual. Well-intentioned medical professionals and family members’ reactions can be bigger than the illness. This makes it hard for the individual to gain their own footing in getting better.

“The medical and family system’s reaction to illness can be bigger than the actual illness/symptoms.” ~ Margaret Otto

9.  Answer your own questions. You know what is best for you. Even if you have self-doubt, there is almost always something you are sure about. Focus on what works and doesn’t work for you, instead of leaning on others to answer your own questions.

10.   Define and hold onto your own thinking. I was trying to be a compliant patient, more than listen to my own thoughts and body’s signals. I lost my own thinking when I joined my doctor’s thinking that there is something wrong with my body. When I found my thinking that I was experiencing side effects, not illness, I was on my way to getting better.

“When you join the medical model of pathology, you start to believe there is something wrong with your body, “ ~ Margaret Otto

11.   Medical treatment is an expensive snowball. When not treating a disease, it is more cost effective to let your body repair itself with wholesome, soothing foods, nutrient rich water, healing supplements, and great coaching.

12.   Body repair is possible and takes time. Often, we seek medical treatment to speed up the healing process. A body can repair itself, but it can’t be rushed. If you ever experience problematic treatment or side effects from powerful medications, know it won’t become a chronic condition. It will pass.

13.   Crisis is ripe for learning. There is never a better time to learn than after a crisis. You will never be more motivated to change. And, you will be able to see things more clearly than during calm times. Take advantage of this time to grow and find a new way – a liberating way.

This is the most personal post I’ve written to date. I have learned so much from this crisis that I am bursting to share it with you. Know that I don’t blame the medical system; they had a part in my getting worse, but so did I.

I leave you with this hope. You can make it through a crisis, and may even find yourself in a better place than before the crisis.

Discussion Question: When is medical treatment useful and when is it not?

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Recognition: A special thank you to my systems coach. Without you coaching me to look at the symptoms in the context of the system, I’d probably still be sitting by the toilet.

Disclaimer: This post is a composite of what is working for me. Please do not let this replace your own thinking, but let it act as a jump start to uncover what  works for you. I do not have an ongoing disease or illness, so each idea may or may not apply to you.

Photo Credit: “Valley & Peak” by Rohit Gowaikar

How To Survive An Affair Without Losing Your Mind

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“It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in U.S.) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage.”    ~Wikipedia (compilation of research studies)

Does this statistic alarm you? As a marriage counselor, the frequency of infidelity in marriages no longer surprises me. Instead, I am honored to have a unique vantage point. You have allowed me to observe what helps individuals and couples recover from infidelity.

Have you recently found out your spouse is having an affair? If yes, I imagine you are experiencing many different feelings. You can’t stop thinking about the affair and feel compelled to find out everything you can, even if it’s painful. By now, you are growing weary of holding onto the fear that the affair will happen again.

How do you recover from this news without losing your mind and yourself? Discover what choices you have in front of you, even if you feel like you have no choices. Your choice lies in how you respond and make sense of the affair. In doing so, you will chose what you are going to do as well as what you are not going to do.

What Not To Do When Your Spouse Has An Affair:

I have listened to you and heard what helps and hinders you from recovering from infidelity. Here’s what I think you’d say not to do…

  • Don’t let the affair tear down your self-worth. You are not any less lovable or attractive. Someone else’s actions don’t have to reflect how important you are.
  • Don’t get stuck on trying to fix your spouse. One of the ways your spouse deals with stress and tension is to turn to more than one person for comfort. Each time you try to fix them, you will be letting them off the hook from fully understanding and learning from this.
  • Don’t over-focus on the affair. While it may be all you think about at first, it helps to look at the bigger marriage or family climate. The affair is typically a symptom of underlying marriage patterns or family stress level.

What To Do If Your Spouse Has An Affair:

Now, you know what has hindered others from recovering from an affair, but what about what helps? 

  • Nourish Yourself: Expect to feel the symptoms of stress and anxiety. Look after yourself, more than looking after others. Find ways to manage worry and practice good self-care.
  • Take Opportunity for Learning: Use the news of marriage infidelity as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your marriage. What do you want to change to improve your quality of life? What marriage patterns could be contributing to your marriage being vulnerable to infidelity?
  • Allow Spouse’s Growth: Just as you are learning, allow your spouse to do their own self-discovery, even if this makes you anxious. The more you try to figure out your spouse’s part, the more it will stunt their growth.

When experiencing a high level of stress and anxiety, your first reaction may be to put all the blame on one person. While you are not responsible for how your spouse acted out this tension, you are both responsible for creating the marriage environment at the time of the affair starting.

Working on yourself can free you from being consumed with anxiety about the infidelity. It helps you feel more in control and moves you to the present while understanding the past. The affair is turned into an invitation to tend to what needs to grow.

What do you want to grow inside yourself?

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Looking for a counselor in your area? There are therapists who are trained to work with individuals on marriage and family issues: Bowen Family Systems or American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy

Photo Credit: “Look at Me” by Ruurmo