7 Tips for Creating Your Love Story

love-kiss

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Tess Marshall of The Bold Life

We are each responsible for the quantity and quality of love in our relationships. We have the power to infuse love into every moment of our day and build an amazing life.

My husband and I have been married 39+ years. We were married when I was 17 and pregnant. We learned very early, improving and maintaining a loving relationship, takes commitment willingness and effort.

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.  That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” ~Emily Kimbrough

Relationships contain our greatest lessons in life. We may have the best intentions, but it’s human nature to fall into a rut, get cranky, and take each other for granted.

Each day, we have the power and opportunity, to be more loving human beings. Tomorrows relationships are the results of the depth of our love today. At the end of the day we can add another page to our personal love story.

“You are either giving your deepest gifts or you are withholding your love in fear.” ~David Deida

7 Ways to Add to Your “Happily Ever After” Love Story:

1. Creating a Soul Connection

Allow kindness to create a mood of love. Behave in a kindly and complimentary manner towards each other. Catch your partner doing good things.

Focus on every thing positive. Enhance your relationship by having a big heart and a sparkling soul. Being kind and doing good creates a happy atmosphere, a place of safety. Make it your religion.

“Deep meaning lies often in childish play.”~Johann Friedrich von Shiller

2. Do things that bring both of you, joy.

Participate in activities you may not particularly enjoy. I like to run, Hubs likes to walk. When I’m training for a race he rides his bike with me. If I’m not training for a race, I walk with him.

We have learned to enjoy each other’s company while having fun together. With a little willingness, every couple can learn to create harmony and delight, in all aspects of their lives.

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I really need it.” ~ Swedish Proverb

3. Know your partner isn’t the source of your pain.

Take 100% responsibility for your relationship. It’s your thoughts, about the conflict or person that causes your pain. Notice what story you tell yourself, when you become hurt or angry.

If you are willing to drop your story or change your perspective, you will change your emotional state.

Individuals that change their own character defects shine light instead of darkness on their relationship.

“Love that does not renew itself every day becomes a habit and in turn a slavery.” ~ Khalil Gibran

4. Create a dinner time ritual.

Eating together is one way of gathering around the heart of a family. Fast food, busyness, and technology have robbed couples of their time to connect around a kitchen table over dinner.

Eating together provides nourishment for your body, mind and soul.

Body – Dinners cooked at home are likely to contain more nutrients and less fat. There is time to eat, taste, and enjoy your food.

Mind – Families learn to communicate more effectively as they discuss current events, values, children, and other everyday activities.

Soul – Bonding occurs when emotional support is offered, and a couple learns to enjoy and relax in each others presence.

5. Attacking is never justified. 

“Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.” ~Carl Reiner

The very traits you fall in love with in your mate, are the same traits that will begin to annoy you after the passion wears off in your relationship. Criticizing and nagging each other never solves problems.

When you are tempted to use speak unkindly or verbally abuse your partner, stop. Verbal abuse shatters one’s spirit and heart.

When you are angry, stressed or tired learn to soothe yourself by allowing yourself to spend time alone. Wait until you’re calmed down, to discuss difficult issues.

6. Love is a verb.

“If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?  And why are you waiting?”  ~Stephen Levine

We often mistake love for a feeling. There will be times when you will feel like you aren’t “in love” with your partner anymore. People mistake love for infatuation or fantasy.

Love is a verb, it’s about taking action.  Choose to take loving action by complimenting, helping, appreciating, listening, sharing, praising, and pleasing your partner. Give away the love you want to feel.

If you want to be understood, be empathetic. If you want praise, give praise. If you want to be forgiven, become a forgiving person. When you behave lovingly, you begin to feel loving and loved. Choose to act and react out of a spirit of love today.

7. Spend wisely.

“Just because one of you earns the more doesn’t mean that person should lord over how the money is handled.” ~Suze Orman

Debt is the number one cause of failed relationships. Learn to separate your needs from your wants. Discuss and agree upon how your money will be allocated and budgeted.

Don’t compare yourself, home, car, job, children, or your life with others. Wanting what you don’t have creates suffering.

Honesty creates transparency. Hiding purchases or hoarding money destroys trust. Practice gratitude and appreciation together, for what you have today.

If necessary, seek financial help. If your debt is the result of an addiction, seek help from a professional and attend Debtors Anonymous.

Establish an emergency fund. Remember, it’s never too late to save for your future. Your relationship is at stake here. Don’t allow money to get in your way. Love is more important than money.

Allow each other the freedom and the space needed to grow inside and out. Dedicate your days to loving and taking care of each other. Dream together. Have fun and never underestimate the power of creating good times!

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Tess Marshall is a speaker, author, fear shattering, calculated risk taker, obsessed with being happy, courageous and bold. Her blog,The Bold Life is a juicy mix of inspiration, spirituality, and personal development. Download for free her eBook, “Peace, Love, and Connection” at The Bold Life and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Top Photo Credit: JLStricklin

6 responses to “7 Tips for Creating Your Love Story

  1. Me and my wife have always found that mutual respect and open communication is the most important part of a relationship.
    It is also important to do things out of the ordinary sometimes.

    I have a rule for myself too do 3 special things for my wife every day.

  2. Daniel, that is so sweet, your ritual with your wife 🙂

    For me, #3 is most helpful. The more I work on myself, the more I don’t “leak” on my spouse. The more I embrace all of me, my strengths and weaknesses, the more I accept my spouse, as he is to. My biggest downfall is being critical and overly helpful. So, letting him find his own way, and not being all knowing has got to be a romantic gesture too!

  3. Daniel,
    I think you nailed it! I so agree with ‘do things out of the ordinary.’ It’s up to us to keep things fresh and exciting. I’m more into minimalism than hubs. Sometimes he says I’m no fun because of it! Over the weekend we went to a border town in Mexico, walked across the border, went shopping, had lunch. How’s that for exciting;) No problem, no danger! One only has to turn off the tv to feel safe;)

    • Tess,
      An afternoon in adventure in Mexico sounds exciting to me! And, so true about turning off the TV to feel safe! I have my favorite shows, but I haven’t watched the news in maybe 10 years. People think I’m weird…

  4. Marcy,
    I feel smothered sometimes by hubs because he offers to much help. It goes all the way back to being 17 when we were married, he was 20. He’s very traditional when it comes to ‘taking care’ of me. I’m guilty of giving too much advice when it comes to his diet. Aughhh!

  5. That Tess is so wise and her advice here is so valuable. What a wonderful guest post. #3 is such a great point because it’s much too easy for the partner to end up having to absorb any backlash from the pain the other partner may be feeling; not a good idea to take it out on my husband who is probably the closest to an ideal husband one could ask for.