6 Ways to Unbury Your Sexy Self


My wide eyed inquisitive 5-year old son asks me at dinner, “Mom what does sexy mean?” I freeze uncomfortably and respond with “What! Where did you hear that word?”

I realize that he has heard the song “Sexy and I Know It” by a group of rocking rappers called LMFAO. Have you heard it? It’s a funny yet catchy song by guys with big hair and ridiculous clothing. I eventually gloss over the definition of sexy by vaguely explaining, “it’s something grown ups feel about each other.”

The music industry has sex oozing out its pores, while many married folks are waiting for their spouse to make them feel wanted and sexy. Most of us aren’t rock stars or super models, yet I think we can learn to be more confident in our sexiness.

Many think feeling sexy and desirable is based on physical appearance and attraction. But it’s how a person feels about themselves that leads to how they present themselves.  Bottom line – it’s your confidence that is sexy.

Where To Look for Sexiness

Do you struggle to feel sexy in the bedroom with your loved one? You can grow your confidence in this area, but first you need to know where to look for it.

Many hope their partner will initiate sex, so they don’t have to face rejection. And others only feel sexy when their partner flirts and compliments them.

While it may feel great to have a loved one tell you how great you look and how much they want you, it won’t keep you feeling sexy. This feeling comes from inside of you.

Instead of waiting for your partner to bring this feeling out in you, find a way to turn your sexy on. It may be like digging for buried treasure without a map, but it’s inside you. It is buried under loads of laundry and piles of work projects.

Tools for Digging for Buried Sexiness

Our bodies and energy aren’t like they used to be, so how can we feel sexy now? Let me share some tools to help you dig for your buried treasure:

1. Be playful – Flirt with your spouse like you just met. Be serious and get organized but also have fun with your spouse.

2. Complain less – Talking more about what you don’t like is a sexiness stomper. Instead say or show what you like.

3. Reserve Energy – Conserve your personal energy by thinking ahead to what is most important to you. If you let your energy drain completely out, you won’t have any left for things like connecting with your spouse.

4. Explore your senses – Wear clothing or intimates that you like to touch and see. Or wear scents that you like to smell and breathe.

5. Appreciate your body – Get your body moving outside of the bedroom and appreciate it’s strength and beauty. Take up dance, yoga, walking, or anything that helps you love the body you have.

6. Love all of yourself – Love the creation of you both inside and out. Appreciate all the imperfect parts of yourself even if you don’t want to.

Anyone can feel sexy. It starts with a choice to find a new way to think about yourself. And it stays when you don’t let negativity take it away from you.

Trying new things is hard. Your confidence will follow your lead. Choose to unbury the treasures you have inside you, not just for your spouse but for you too.

And remember physical intimacy is just one of many ways to connect with your spouse. Present the best you, instead of hoping that your spouse will pull it out of you.


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Photo Credit: “I’m Open To You” by Mara

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