Most couples come into my office thinking they have a communication problem. Then most say their partner needs to listen better or be more open.
It can be a challenge to see our part in the “communication” problem. We are usually so busy reacting to what our partner is saying that we aren’t really hearing them. Instead we are listening to our assumptions, putting up walls, or formulating our next point.
What if you were better able to manage your own emotional reactions with your partner? The challenge isn’t getting your partner to listen, it is getting yourself to stay interested in your partner without defending, attacking, or withdrawing.
If you are looking for a different perspective on opening up couple’s communication, then I invite you to listen to this video from The Bowen Center’s Family Matters interview series on “Myths about Communication.” As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Kathleen Cauley shares her thoughts on common communication challenges among couples:
In the video, Kathleen shares common assumptions many couples have about good communication. She also proposes a new way of thinking about communication that involves calming yourself down instead of getting your point heard. I would love to hear your thoughts and reactions to this video in the comments section.
Subscribe to Family Matters on You Tube to hear more videos. The mission of the Bowen Center is “to assist families in solving major life problems through understanding and improving human relationships.”