Extra-marital affairs are one way people deal with discomfort. Turning to another person who sympathizes with you can be very comforting. And many people act on what feels good in the moment without thinking about the long term consequences of turning to another person.
Some people use an affair to end a marriage. While others decide to stay together and try to repair what’s been broken long before the affair started.
In an interview on The Bowen Center’s Family Matters, Douglas Murphy, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, talks about ways to prevent and mend infidelity, including the following:
1. Look for own warning signs (such as fantasizing about another person) that you are dealing with discomfort by turning outside your marriage
2. End the affair (not because your spouse told you too, but because this is the only way to address the problems it covers up)
3. Both people begin working on their part in the co-created emotional distance
An affair is a symptom, and it offers an opportunity for growth if you take it. But you have to get beyond the affair, the hurt, and the anger to improve how you relate and think about your spouse.
To hear the full 30-minute interview and learn how to find your way back after an extra-marital affair, watch this:
Will you take this opportunity to grow you emotional intimacy or grow more distant with your spouse?
Subscribe to Family Matters on You Tube to hear more thoughtful interviews. The mission of the Bowen Center is “to assist families in solving major life problems through understanding and improving human relationships