Tag Archives: overdoing

5 Myths Overwhelmed Moms Believe

overwhelmed-moms

Being a mom has its exciting and tender moments. But it can also be stressful and frustrating, especially in today’s busy, fast-paced, indulging culture. We care so much for our children, and want the best for them. But we can lose sleep over them, because we want everything to be just right for them the next day.

When we over-give of ourselves, we can become drained and begin easily yelling at our children for the little things. To cope with feeling overwhelmed and irritable, many moms are turning to prescription stimulants or alcohol to get through the day.

In an age where we are trying to do more for our kids than ever, it can be hard to realize we have choices. It’s no wonder the movie Bad Moms has been such a hit. Moms are tired and want permission to slow down, breathe, and do less.

So I’m here to help lend a hand. I want to invite you to tune into what’s driving you to be overwhelmed when it comes to being a parent. I realize my invitation is being delivered in a crowded sea of Pinterest inspired ideas to be the perfect, creative, organized mom. But in this moment, I want you to reflect instead on what’s best for you.

Identify Mindset that Drives You to Be an Overwhelmed Mom

Let’s first take a look at the myths overwhelmed moms typically believe. Before you can see your choices, you need to be aware of what’s behind your frenzied pace, mom meltdowns, or sleepless nights. Read through these myths and note which ones you relate to the most:

Myth #1: “I can do more if I speed up.” To get more done, I need to schedule more things into my day and on my to do list. I almost always feel hurried to get somewhere or get something done at a certain time. When I hurry myself, I am more forgetful, less present, and more irritated.

Myth #2: “I must protect my loved ones from rejection and unhappiness.” Moms that believe this myth believe their primary role is to raise kids that are happy and well-liked. Its hard to see my kids upset, so I usually let them have what they want even if I said no the first time. I don’t think my kids can handle rejection, so I try to talk to mediate their social problems at school. I give my kids advice often, because I don’t think they know how to solve their own problems.

Myth #3: “No one else will do it (or do it right).” I can’t stand the way my kids or spouse clean up, so I need to do it myself. If I don’t do everything around the house, then no one else will do it. I wish I could do less, but it’s so hard for me to leave things undone.

Myth #4: “If I meet my families needs, they will meet mine.” If I invest in others, they will invest in me. I don’t need to carve out time for myself, because I’m waiting on others to tell me it’s ok to slow down and do less. If I make them happy, they will make me happy. I don’t know how to make myself happy without their actions.

Myth #5: “I must always be prepared for every possible outcome.” Moms that believe this myth are always prepared and a step ahead. As a mom, we need to possess super-human ability to take care of others. We must know what others need even when they don’t know themselves. We must have everything ready for them to be successful. We must protect them from failure, as others can’t handle learning from their own mistakes.

Increase Awareness on What Drives You to Drain Yourself

Awareness can be uncomfortable, but it is the first step toward change. Doing so takes courage, so thank yourself for taking the time to answer these questions. Which myth are you believing that creates more fuel to hurry up, over-give, and drain yourself empty?

I struggle with Myth #5 the most. The idea that I don’t have to be prepared for everything and that my kids can prepare themselves is something I’m still working on. Problems can go unsolved. My kids can experience their own consequences for being unprepared, learn from them, and be ok.

When you stop doing it all, your kids or family may blame you. They don’t want you to change. But that doesn’t mean you don’t still have a choice and an invitation to slow down, reflect and choose differently next time.

Christine Arylo in her podcast on the “Super Power of Slowing Down” invites all women to complete this sentence: “If I slow down, I fear ________________.” How do you complete this sentence?

Share your answers to these reflections in the comment section, so other moms know they aren’t alone. And stay tuned for Part 2 in the “Overwhelmed Mom” series. We will explore how to make “Empowering Choices” as  a mom in a world that doesn’t make it easy to slow down and tune into what you need.


I love working with moms from all seasons of life! If you tired of being overwhelmed and want to feel less stressed out, set aside an hour to devote to self-care and consult with Marci at her office. Or Missouri residents can also consult with her online via Talkspace.

 

Are You Hurrying to Please Others?

woman-bike-hurry

Do you feel pressured by others to move faster? To make them happy and calm their fears? You don’t have to be a people pleaser to be caught in someone else’s anxiety and frustration.

If you find yourself speeding up once again to superhuman speed, it may be worth it to slow down and see what’s contributing to your frenzied pace. Where does all this pressure to speed up and over-do come from?

First we have to slow down, breath, and reflect. Our thoughts need air to gain awareness. Many variables can contribute to our speeding up to super-human speed.

10 Ways to Slow Down Instead of Hurrying

What helps you slow down? I am referring to slowing down your automatic reactions as well as slowing down your activity level. Here’s what helps me:

1. Schedule more breaks instead of more tasks in your day.

2. Take a nap.

3. Sit, watch, and listen to nature.

4. Read a book for fun.

5. Journal without turning it into a creative or productive work.

6. Unplug from computer, phone, or electronics for a day.

7. Go for a walk with no destination or time in mind.

8. Get a babysitter and do something gentle for yourself.

9. Limit the amount of time you check email and social media.

10. Connect with people face to face.

Increase Awareness About the Pressure to Hurry

Once you slow down, ask yourself where the pressure is coming from, inside or outside of yourself? If you look closely, you will probably recognize it comes from fear and tension in both places. I think anxiety drives hurrying. We may put pressure on ourselves or absorb others anxiety.

For example, I can temporarily absorb someone else’s anxiety by picking it up. In other words, I take responsibility for someone else’s emotion. And to keep the peace, I will automatically (without thinking) start moving faster. But in my head, I am thinking that I really need a break  and the task could really wait. My head says one thing but my body does something else.

A Choice to Be Different But Connected

So slowing down isn’t just a list to follow for yourself. It’s also making a choice to live more self-directed (and connected). The more you speed up to make others happy (or keep the peace), the more stressed, resentful, and disconnected you become. You stop telling them about yourself and it stops being intimate.

But the more you learn to let your loved ones carry their own anxiety, the freer you are to move at your own pace. And the easier it becomes to be personal. Now you are free to connect with them without walls of stress and resentment building. You can be present for them without taking it on yourself. Really!

To recap, first slow yourself down. Second reflect on what contributes to your frenzied pace. And third recognize the choice that you have even if others pressure you to do it their way.

Let me know how slowing down works for you, even if it’s different than others want you to do.

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While my writing slows down for the summer, feel free to check out my archives on liberating: relationships, parenting, self-care, emotions, etc. And may choices always be within your reach!

Photo Credit: “In a Hurry” by Victor Rosenfeld