Tag Archives: overwhelmed

5 Myths Overwhelmed Moms Believe

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Being a mom has its exciting and tender moments. But it can also be stressful and frustrating, especially in today’s busy, fast-paced, indulging culture. We care so much for our children, and want the best for them. But we can lose sleep over them, because we want everything to be just right for them the next day.

When we over-give of ourselves, we can become drained and begin easily yelling at our children for the little things. To cope with feeling overwhelmed and irritable, many moms are turning to prescription stimulants or alcohol to get through the day.

In an age where we are trying to do more for our kids than ever, it can be hard to realize we have choices. It’s no wonder the movie Bad Moms has been such a hit. Moms are tired and want permission to slow down, breathe, and do less.

So I’m here to help lend a hand. I want to invite you to tune into what’s driving you to be overwhelmed when it comes to being a parent. I realize my invitation is being delivered in a crowded sea of Pinterest inspired ideas to be the perfect, creative, organized mom. But in this moment, I want you to reflect instead on what’s best for you.

Identify Mindset that Drives You to Be an Overwhelmed Mom

Let’s first take a look at the myths overwhelmed moms typically believe. Before you can see your choices, you need to be aware of what’s behind your frenzied pace, mom meltdowns, or sleepless nights. Read through these myths and note which ones you relate to the most:

Myth #1: “I can do more if I speed up.” To get more done, I need to schedule more things into my day and on my to do list. I almost always feel hurried to get somewhere or get something done at a certain time. When I hurry myself, I am more forgetful, less present, and more irritated.

Myth #2: “I must protect my loved ones from rejection and unhappiness.” Moms that believe this myth believe their primary role is to raise kids that are happy and well-liked. Its hard to see my kids upset, so I usually let them have what they want even if I said no the first time. I don’t think my kids can handle rejection, so I try to talk to mediate their social problems at school. I give my kids advice often, because I don’t think they know how to solve their own problems.

Myth #3: “No one else will do it (or do it right).” I can’t stand the way my kids or spouse clean up, so I need to do it myself. If I don’t do everything around the house, then no one else will do it. I wish I could do less, but it’s so hard for me to leave things undone.

Myth #4: “If I meet my families needs, they will meet mine.” If I invest in others, they will invest in me. I don’t need to carve out time for myself, because I’m waiting on others to tell me it’s ok to slow down and do less. If I make them happy, they will make me happy. I don’t know how to make myself happy without their actions.

Myth #5: “I must always be prepared for every possible outcome.” Moms that believe this myth are always prepared and a step ahead. As a mom, we need to possess super-human ability to take care of others. We must know what others need even when they don’t know themselves. We must have everything ready for them to be successful. We must protect them from failure, as others can’t handle learning from their own mistakes.

Increase Awareness on What Drives You to Drain Yourself

Awareness can be uncomfortable, but it is the first step toward change. Doing so takes courage, so thank yourself for taking the time to answer these questions. Which myth are you believing that creates more fuel to hurry up, over-give, and drain yourself empty?

I struggle with Myth #5 the most. The idea that I don’t have to be prepared for everything and that my kids can prepare themselves is something I’m still working on. Problems can go unsolved. My kids can experience their own consequences for being unprepared, learn from them, and be ok.

When you stop doing it all, your kids or family may blame you. They don’t want you to change. But that doesn’t mean you don’t still have a choice and an invitation to slow down, reflect and choose differently next time.

Christine Arylo in her podcast on the “Super Power of Slowing Down” invites all women to complete this sentence: “If I slow down, I fear ________________.” How do you complete this sentence?

Share your answers to these reflections in the comment section, so other moms know they aren’t alone. And stay tuned for Part 2 in the “Overwhelmed Mom” series. We will explore how to make “Empowering Choices” as  a mom in a world that doesn’t make it easy to slow down and tune into what you need.


I love working with moms from all seasons of life! If you tired of being overwhelmed and want to feel less stressed out, set aside an hour to devote to self-care and consult with Marci at her office. Or Missouri residents can also consult with her online via Talkspace.

 

Questions to Bring You Out of Burnout

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“Burnout comes from trying to give what I do not possess.” ~ Parker Palmer

Do you move through your day, running on empty, until you crash? There isn’t a drop of energy left at the end of your day, not for you or your loved ones.

As a parent, I find it’s natural to give of ourselves. We want the best for our kids, so we give, get, and do for them without even thinking about it. And if we aren’t careful, we take on their problems as our own or give of ourselves until we are completely drained.

Of course, giving more of yourself than you give to yourself doesn’t just happen in parenting, it can also be true for the workplace, in your marriage, and with your extended family.  If you are taking on others problems, you probably feel overwhelmed, because you feel responsible without any authority to change the problem.

I think this leads to getting burned out on your life. Meaning if you are giving more of yourself than you reserve for yourself, you will probably end up irritable, tired, and simple things will stress you out.

Stress in the Context of Family Relationships

It’s so important to not just think about reserving time for yourself, but also to think about the challenges you are up against in your family. How do others get you to do more for them? Do they convince you that they can’t do it without you, or is a reality need that they can’t do it for themselves? Or maybe you think no one will do it as well as you will. There are so many possible ideas and behaviors that would fuel taking on more than is our responsibility.

 

Of course eating well, exercising, and meeting your social needs will help you deal with stress. But if you don’t figure out how you get depleted in the first place, you will keep having to relearn this lesson again and again. Good self care can be drained once you go home and start overdoing it again.

People, biochemicals, and hormones aren’t the only thing that can get out of balance, so can relationships. What goes on inside a person impacts what goes on between people, and vice versa. Meaning what goes on between people also impacts what goes on inside a person.

This is why it’s not enough to just carve out time for yourself, you also have to think about how you get yourself in a spot where you are revved up and others around you are stalled or idling. If you are doing it all, no one else has to think for themselves, nor experience consequences.

Questions to Spark Your Burnout Awareness

The first step in any change is to increase your awareness. So stop, slow down, and ask yourself these questions:

  1. How much do I want to be in service to others, and how much energy do I want to reserve for myself?
  2. How do others get me to do more for them (even when they can do it for his/herself)?
  3. What would it take for me to begin shifting this pattern (doing less even when others don’t do more)?

Realizing you have more choices than you originally thought can be just the jump start you need to move from burnt out to thriving.

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Relationships and emotions are complex. Schedule a consult today to discuss what you are learning about yourself and how your relationships impact your health.

Photo Credit: “Universe in a Drop” by Hartwig Koppdelaney